Inner-Battles Everlasting

There are times in which, try as I might, to brush off, ignore, or even attempt to whole-heartedly resist my own cynical nature; well, it simply escapes my control.

This demon of uncontrollable worldly criticism, is that, which I absolutely detest most in this world; essentially my mind’s very own pessimistic, inner philosopher/psychologist/heckler/douschbag drill sergeant wielding a megaphone aimed at my cerebral cortex. It is a voice of doom & gloom, which only grows louder & louder, until all that there is really left to do, is listen.

It gets too loud to ignore…

These are times of long or short term hardship.

A hardship of many forms, in fact, it would not be a very long stretch of reality, to say that these are times of a all-encompassing general inner struggle. A struggle, which simply leads to suffering, a great deal of suffering in fact, and then ultimately to some sort of self-submission.

In most of the cases which I speak of, the submission is not to any sort of greater good, or a kind of life-changing epiphany, and instead usually tends to simply kick the can down the road, and pretend that, we, meaning I, are or am, done struggling, done fighting the same battle that, I, coming to my senses, have concurred that submission is the only way of proceeding to surviving.

Perhaps this is simply a naïve, primitive, all too human instinctual inability to follow my deepest convictions.

In any case, if it has not become evident to you already, dear reader, this battle is not to be the last one, in fact, broadly speaking, it is one of what could perhaps be millions, at this point at least, of similar such inward struggles. Struggles of the self, of the mind, of the we, of the collective, and struggles that seemingly have no clear resolution or definition.

The result of which, leads me to ponder any point to it all…

Well, after a while, I think to myself, what the fuck exactly, is there for me to do?

If I had any clue in the least, any fucking clue at all, what exactly the fucking answer is…

…well, fuck, that’s what we’d be writing about, I’d be writing about, and if you were expecting answer at the end of this here shitty fucking post; well sorry, because you’re honestly not going to fucking get it!

Fact is, I don’t fucking know, and maybe that’s the fucking answer in & of itself; but probably not. All things considered, I’m almost 99.99% fucking sure it’s not the answer, so fuck it, what else do I got to do with my existence for the next duration of my fucking existence.

Yeah, so I guess I’ll just get back to fucking searching.

Oh, and is it just me, or did I use a lot of ‘fucks‘ in that last no fucks given portion of the post?

In any case, have a great night, day, morning etc. yah fucks.

…Oh, and P.S., kindly fuck off.

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The Sacred & the Insane

li /cd”Man becomes aware of the Sacred because it manifests itself, shows itself, as something wholly different from the Profane … In his encounters with the Sacred, man experiences a reality that does not belong to our world yet is encountered in and through objects or events that are part of the world.”

 Many theories exist at present, which aim to ease the burden of life’s intrinsic mysteries; most of which, if I might add, wholly view the world we inhabit, through a purely physical, materialistic, and scientifically oriented lens of observation.

Unfortunately for humanity, it is through this notably discriminatory lens, through which the various concepts of our current and future reality, are shaped.  In fact, the visions which our species sees through this lens’s tiny window, one, that pervasively laces a thick black vinaigrette over the truest representations of what & why a human -*ing is actually human, began to forcefully manifest themselves into how we view life, and it’s real meaning itself.

 In essence, we are, quite undeniably, exactly that.  We are, what our individual understanding of being us, human, really is…

Now, modern man, at least in the majority of cases which we can easily observe ourselves, has a tendency to accept the concepts drawn up by those granted the task of intellectual discovery.  It is, unfortunately, this very tendency itself, which has led to our broadly spanning spiritual detriment, not only in our academic institutions but throughout society at large.  ‘WE’, as a species, after millennia upon millennia of struggling to try and truly understand our, inner ‘conscious selves’, along with the countless awe-inspiring feats of human ingenuity thrust ahead from generation to generation, which, undeniably came as the result of this self-exploration; have almost inevitably, become victims of our own inability to accept anything that contradicts the unspoken rule of humanity’s archaically modern, eternal march towards the ultimate goal…

…killing the God which we once died for, and taking his place.

This might sound like something you’d see written on Nietzsche’s gravestone, in which case, if at all interested in anything more meaningful then, let’s say, a totally fucked up video on Facebook, perhaps you might go home later on and look up Nietzsche.  After reading up on him(or youtube-ing him), and his many theories, you may see things a bit more conceptually solid on the matter.

 Man wants to be God.

The Übermensch(Superman).

Etc., etc.

Well, that’s all well and dandy n’all, especially if the goal is to die a babbling, raving mad lunatic in a manic hardcore depression, with half your brain rotted away at the core… carry on bromigo, looks like smooth sailing ahead brotha.

In my own perception of ‘LIFE‘, I honestly tend to take the Übermensch idea, with a slight grain of salt(or two).

If you’re too lazy to read up on Nietzsche, or his many works, which I do wholeheartedly embrace as exceptionally composed(although not always in agreement with my own views), well here’s the man himself with some elaboration on that Übermensch I previously mentioned…


“The word Übermensch [designates] a type of supreme achievement, as opposed to ‘modern’ men, ‘good’ men, Christians, and other nihilists … When I whispered into the ears of some people that they were better off looking for a Cesare Borgia than a Parsifal, they did not believe their ears.”[9] 


Some may unwittingly, or unknowingly agree with Nietzsche in certain aspects.  For example, God, at least the idea of ‘a God’, be it a deity, a spiritual ideology, the afterlife, karma, or any other form of mythic worldviews, are viewed by many modern men, with a certain degree of contempt.  It is a broadly held view, that ‘we are past that‘; that we are now the champions of our own destiny, no longer bound by the suffocating and (what is, within a Nietzsche-que styled understanding)ignorant boundaries of religious doctrine.  There is an underlying misconception among-st nearly all walks of societal life, that religion, mythic understanding, spiritualism, and any other form of non-scientific based concepts; are WRONG.  Wrong, as in not correct, not real, not at all relevant to the modern world, as well as the future ahead…

Plain & simple.

In a way, quite reflective of how we tend to like things.

This is, at least in the eyes of many influential, more open-minded scholars(including myself), extremely unwise, dull-witted, depressing, and completely the opposite, of how humanity, in general, might hope to elevate itself into a brighter, enlightened, as well as further spiritually and physically fulfilled future…

I am NOT, any sort, type, kind, or even variation of, the presently all-powerful intellectual junta, which acts, in many ways, as a gatekeeper of our thus-far cultivated knowledge as a conscious, rational race of men.  In all honesty, I have up unto this point, never, at all considered myself to stand within the post-modern elitist class of standardized professional philosophers; nor do I see ANY future inclinations to change in this regard.  The plain academically approved specialists of informational gratification.  NOT for you, her, him, them, us, or any motherfucker with preconceived perceptions of grandeur, and for that matter, no-one really is, to be completely honest.  What am I even writing about? What the fuck am I actually attempting to convey in that, strangely unclear, possibly just flat-out ridiculous, statement above…?

Well, for a start, I do not believe that anyone and I mean ANYONE, actually has the right to stake their claim, in the all-knowing throne of the divine….Once again, THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN…

Well…

The truth, is simply that truth, in & of itself, is, interestingly enough, quite individualistic in mains cases.  Essentially, your reality, in a somewhat semi-literal sort of sense at least, is one which you personally craft make it; meaning, that you are, or better yet, the voices of those which you, for whatever reason, find relevant, as well as trustworthy enough of one’s faith to have believe, or perceive as the experts within the broadly speaking respective field in question, manifest into that which you understand to be the truth.

You have no real reason to believe them.  Then again, perhaps, there is a reason.

They tell you to…

Those which you honestly trust; well, also will attempt to tell you such nonesense.

So…why wouldn’t you.

Look at all that noise above. Yes, it is notably, quite fucking confusing. It is not just your possible lack of intellectual prowess, which be, or not be, as it may; ‘should’, be currently undergoing a certain kind of growth in a sense. At least if you are allowing the gears of your personal machine to turn properly. Which realistically, simply comes down to the very basic, and fundamentally mind-altering task of ACTUALLY THINKING on the concepts currently being laid out in front of you.

To say the least…

It makes little sense, in terms of the respective reality which one creates, lives within, and ultimately makes their own. This, in most cases at least, remains one which is very worldly and very-much unoriginal.

Such realities, although commonly overlooked by the vast majority of simple minded folk, walking through life like lost souls in purgatory, is in all apparent truth, not-your-own. It is a reality composed with the millions of jumbled up tidbits, from every corner of your entire pointless lifespan. An ultimately ‘preconceived’ reality, to put it bluntly I suppose.

Now, when taken into SERIOUS consideration, the fact of the matter is, that well, quite troubling to say the least. Due to the fundamental idea that you, as a thinking, living, human being, are, in many ways exactly that. A patchwork of garbage conceptual white noise, exanorated from any form of serious individualism, personal worth, or generally positive spiritual belief in anything other than those, deeply imbedded materialistic world views mentioned above.

 In basic terms, you have not understood your own conscious self…

As I rally back to end this little exposé of man’s modern lack of faith, there was many a time, when I honestly had to refrain myself from drowning out my own damned argument through various unwinding tangents; which, if I may honestly admit, seem to nevertheless unwittingly spin out of control at every turn.

We are, and always will be a spiritual, mystic animal.

Although it may seem, perhaps today more-so than any other point in time of our history, unfaithful to the world of the sacred & the profane, I wouldn’t bet on this inner fire, within each and every human being that has ever lived, being stamped out anytime soon.

Flashbang

FLASH

              …And then a sizzle coupled with a faint ringing, which meant that I was, at least for the moment, still alive.

Now; sprawled out on the dust coated cement, and unsure exactly how I had gotten here, I instinctively drew my hands from my still crippled eyes.

Initially an attempt to gain any grasp whatsoever of the unfolding scene around my shaking, neutralized body through means of the ears was a failure, prevented by the still persistent ringing deep inside my skull.

 In that moment I realized that the senses which, I, under usual circumstances rely upon in gauging a situation, were currently compromised.

Then, very cautiously, I tried to open up just a sliver of sight. The idea proved a bit rushed, as a foggy white film greeted me.  I closed them once more for a while, as the ringing in my ears slowly subsided.

Even with my ears still largely unusable, I realized very quickly that I was not alone in that damp, dark room.

…very quickly I realized my previously accessed fears, were in fact my present reality.

Now,

They were here.

They had come for me…

 

 

 

An Honest Attempt, at Understanding Our World, through the Things which Shape it: [Entry#1.]

Much, if not most, of the information, which,you are fed systematically, day by day, tweet by tweet,  on Facebook, Youtube, and on your campus, your street-corner, in the media, and even from within the confines of knowledge, provided to you via any given choice of daily news outlet; is either highly opinionated, or, simply pure opinion.  That, is the truth, whether you like it, or admit this to be the reality, is in fact utterly irrelevant in the matter…

That said; the validity of the following passages, is for you to judge through your own self-justifiable convictions, being the child of my own personal observations, and consequent arrival at the various conclusions, relating to the subject at hand.  The concepts involved, belong to a quite broad spectrum of topics, ranging in their importance, at least in regards to your own minuscule place in this vast world of ours.

These are subjects analyzed through my own understanding, which in my personal opinion, at least honestly attempts to remain as ‘unbiased’ as humanly possible.  Unfortunately, as is the case, in, well, each and every single one of us, there is undeniably an element of unintentional, as well as uncontrollable, bias, stemming from the churning undercurrents of the dark sea beneath our conscious mind.  Perhaps, dear reader, you can let me know if you encounter anything of the sort, and, perhaps I may actually give a fuck about your observations;

or not.

…who knows.

In any case; I guess we may proceed at this point.

…Finally.

Well then, I mean, where exactly might one thrust the blade first, whilst given such a grand bounty of diverse cultural, geo-political, socio-economic, or even militarily based, topics and issues, influencing the planet which we inhabit today.

Then again we can’t simply just strike at the jugular first; what’d be the fun, or point in that now?

Especially, given the fact that, realistically I don’t honestly even really know, where it is exactly, that this ‘jugular’ topic lies.

Well…

…You’ll just have to find out in my next Entry, as that last beer, now sitting in empty submission at the edge of my screen, has swayed me against any further use of my conflicted, tired mind, at long last.  In addition to which, it’s lovely neighbor, a cheeky little joint, rolled not too long ago with care, by my own hand; has been begging for a chance to ‘spark-up’ a conversation with me.

Until next time then dear open-minded reader, and in the mean time, think beyond the boundaries which have been placed before you, think out loud if that’s what it takes to break them down like a wall in Berlin, contemplate EVERYTHING, and never, NEVER, surrender your deepest convictions to the restrictive, oppressive fools fighting to gain control of your very soul, every day.  I will be with you, now, and in those times I have mentioned in the preceding sentence, so remember my words, let them echo within the corridors of your mind, when the time comes, in your own voice, through the force of your own will.  I trust it’s stronger than you believe.

For ‘doubt’, dear friends; is only as strong as you let it be, and only exists, if you believe in it…

 

 

Thoughts on February 2017…

I’m sitting here, in a dinky little suburban coffee shop, sipping a latte, and doing something instrumental, in regards to my own understanding of ‘life’ itself; something which I have not been all to great at undertaking as of late…

…contemplating the living shit, out of everything in the world around me.

Why do I do it? I sheepishly ask myself, before a ghastly, annoying little voice inside of my aching brain responds with a simplistic…’because you’re fuckin’ nuts man.’; after which, yet another side of me bellows out from the depths of my soul, ‘Stop contemplating why you contemplate so much…life is beautiful, incredible, and undeniably infinitely intriguing, at least when one knows where to look’.  I then come to the realization, that first, one must actually ‘want’ to look.

  My mind flails to&fro, zigzagging through endless corridors, lined with flashing images, discarded thoughts, left scattered amongst the wreckage of my struggle to better comprehend our world, and barricaded rooms, blocked off for various reasons; some known to me, others lost to the dark caverns of my inner psyche.  I cringe, in a routine ritual attempt, at shaking the unwavering onslaught of cumulative concepts, flickering like strobe lights, in a bourgeois dance club through my consciousness; simultaneously, my earthly existence trickles back in through the back of my head, and out, into the fore-front.  ‘I’m back’, I sigh; ‘Kind-of…’.

Well, it’s February, cold but not freezing, warmer, yet not warm.

It’s almost like a seasonal purgatory in a sense; somewhere in the middle.  I stare outside the widow at the street outside.  The sun is setting, and, for a moment, the world on the other side of the foggy glass almost looks pleasant, warm even…yet the Chicago sun can be deceptive.  This land has yet to be liberated from the icy grasp of a Northern winter; yet, that makes little difference in my growing desire to step outside, and away from these wretched laptop keys, away from you all.  It’s not because I don’t wish to carry on my relentless assault on your perception of me being anything, ‘but’, a normal person, whatever the fuck that means.  No, in fact, I happen to be quite fond of my pervasive addiction to little cylindrical sticks of cancer…and they’re calling my name.

So…in retrospect, I have very little apathy for clinging to a single, overly-simplistic, and, at least in my own humble opinion, based upon my quite basic ‘I really don’t fucking care’ approach to going about ‘things’; the month of February, in Chicago that is, kind of sucks, but then again I guess that it really doesn’t suck all too much…Oh,

and I need to have a damn cigarette already.

Happy Trails Fuckers.

M.B.Strix

Dice, or Chess…

They say life is just like rolling the dice…could come up with a set of 6’s, or throw down and find a couple of snake eyes starring back up at you. I guess if you’ve never been to the darker part of town (and I don’t know did I mean that literally?), in jail, or maybe somehow just never got around to playing a fucking game of Risk (*in which case see |^sec.8/article:°5.1|; ; under the heading”Go fuck yourself”)  , then maybe I’m wasting my time with that metaphor, and maybe you should go play some fucking Risk already…wait, what was I-ah yes.
    So now that we got all of that out of the way; as I was saying, life, they say, is just like rolling the dice…A game, into which, we are each randomely thrust down. Hence we are doomed to that fortune which we are dealt, landing, as do the dice, to play our own individual position.  They say that we don’t control the toss which deals us our lot, instead each simply flailing like an insignificant little ant dropped into a glass of water, instinctively trashing its limbs to and fro, desperately trying to fight for a chance to survive.  They say we came to the places we’ve  been, this place we are now, and the place which we will ultimately arrive at, through riding like a paper plane on the unpredictable winds of “fate”.  In simpler terms, we are just observers,unaware of what is to come, or able to influence in any way for that matter, yet destined to live out our preset plan nonetheless.  We; you, me,him, her, winners and losers,” somebody” or “nobody”.  As if we are all just reading the book of our own existence, flipping through the pages one by one, unaware of what the next shall bring, yet reading on regardless.  Our knowledge exyends only as far as the pages before the one which we view currently, hoping that the author, God, has written the story ahead in line with our wants, our needs, individual aspirations, and hopes.  Alas, they say, that we are inevitably not the author of the story but instead doomed to live out our days through a predetermined existence, in a preprogrammed  world…like rolling the dice.
…I say, dice just isn’t my kinda game.
See in my eyes”they”, are in fact living out this predetermined life simply because “they” are playing the wrong game…
Some in this world go through life playing dice, personally…
I prefer chess.

life…

“My meaning simply is, that whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest.”
– Charles DickensDavid Copperfield, Ch. 42

        This life of ours is, in the simplest way I can put it; is an unbeatable enigma, regardless of the greatness of the mind, or the strength of heart granted to any man, from Einstein to Aristotle, Alexander to Napolean and so forth.  Life is an equation with no answer and not one single predictible trait, filled with factors displaying more randomness then any sort of sensible logic.  It is as much a cursed burden, as much as it is undeniably our most incredible, treasured gift from the cosmos.  It is comprised of as much bullshit, useless information, and pain…as it is of the most beauty that time and space could infinitely ever muster.  

Life is everything and nothing at all, it is me writting this, it is you reading it.  It is me getting drunk with my buddies after finishing this, it is you being inspired(for better or worse) to do the same after you finish reading this.

Life is love.  Life is hatred beyond comprehension.  The only real truth that I have discovered thus far in my sliver of accumulated acquired knowledge through expirience, is that there is no truth to be certain of.  

    For the truth is my friends, life is simply the unbreakable enigma of any that posess it.