There are times in which, try as I might, to brush off, ignore, or even attempt to whole-heartedly resist my own cynical nature; well, it simply escapes my control.
This demon of uncontrollable worldly criticism, is that, which I absolutely detest most in this world; essentially my mind’s very own pessimistic, inner philosopher/psychologist/heckler/douschbag drill sergeant wielding a megaphone aimed at my cerebral cortex. It is a voice of doom & gloom, which only grows louder & louder, until all that there is really left to do, is listen.
It gets too loud to ignore…
These are times of long or short term hardship.
A hardship of many forms, in fact, it would not be a very long stretch of reality, to say that these are times of a all-encompassing general inner struggle. A struggle, which simply leads to suffering, a great deal of suffering in fact, and then ultimately to some sort of self-submission.
In most of the cases which I speak of, the submission is not to any sort of greater good, or a kind of life-changing epiphany, and instead usually tends to simply kick the can down the road, and pretend that, we, meaning I, are or am, done struggling, done fighting the same battle that, I, coming to my senses, have concurred that submission is the only way of proceeding to surviving.
Perhaps this is simply a naïve, primitive, all too human instinctual inability to follow my deepest convictions.
In any case, if it has not become evident to you already, dear reader, this battle is not to be the last one, in fact, broadly speaking, it is one of what could perhaps be millions, at this point at least, of similar such inward struggles. Struggles of the self, of the mind, of the we, of the collective, and struggles that seemingly have no clear resolution or definition.
The result of which, leads me to ponder any point to it all…
Well, after a while, I think to myself, what the fuck exactly, is there for me to do?
If I had any clue in the least, any fucking clue at all, what exactly the fucking answer is…
…well, fuck, that’s what we’d be writing about, I’d be writing about, and if you were expecting answer at the end of this here shitty fucking post; well sorry, because you’re honestly not going to fucking get it!
Fact is, I don’t fucking know, and maybe that’s the fucking answer in & of itself; but probably not. All things considered, I’m almost 99.99% fucking sure it’s not the answer, so fuck it, what else do I got to do with my existence for the next duration of my fucking existence.
Yeah, so I guess I’ll just get back to fucking searching.
Oh, and is it just me, or did I use a lot of ‘fucks‘ in that last no fucks given portion of the post?
In any case, have a great night, day, morning etc. yah fucks.